SiliPug
SiliBaby engaged with the pug for the first time, the other day (February 23, 2007). As the two of them shared my lap, she focused on his face, and reached out toward it. I don't believe she actually touched it yet, though.
This brings me to what may be the most FAQ: How is Puggy reacting to all of this?
During the pregnancy, we consulted with the vet, as well as the ob-gyn, about coexistence between pug and baby. Specifically, we wanted to know: a) What limitations should we set on interaction between the two of them, especially in terms of licking? (Puggy's a big licker, and will lick me for 40 minutes in a shot if I let him.); and, b) How should we introduce SiliBaby into our household to minimize jealousy-type issues?
The answer to a) was: We needn't worry about germs or anything like that. Let pug interact with baby (and vice-versa) as much as we feel comfortable with.
So, we let SiliPug sniff her and lick her, although we don't let him get too enthusiastic about the licking...it might scare her, and there should be
some limit on the doggy germs to which we expose her infant self.
This is my favorite picture, so far.
With regard to b), the vet gave us a protocol for us to follow in introducing the baby into a household with a pre-existing dog. (For the sake of brevity, I omit the specifics here.)
We followed the protocol to a T, but SiliPug was still pretty damn weirded out the first day. That night, when we put him to bed, he sat up half the night in his crate, peering out at all of us. Finally, he went to sleep, but sprang awake when I got up to go to the bathroom. (He normally sleeps right through any movements SiliMommy or I make during the night.)
He also tried to drown her in puppy kisses the first day or two. After a few licks, though, we'd gently/firmly push him away. He very quickly got the message...he knows that she's not off-limits to him, but that there are boundaries. His little, puggy brain seems still to be working through those boundaries. At any rate, he seems to have all but lost interest in her. Which is fine for now. He even ignores when she screams, even when next to him. (Though he did once get up, give her a dirty look, and migrate to the opposite end of the couch.)
One thing we do try to make a point of is never making him feel like he's not wanted. We may sometimes push him into a desired location (i.e., not on top of the baby), but we try to cuddle with both, and not just shun him.
It's worth noting that SiliPug endured his first, real baby-torture at the dog park the other day, when our friend's 13-month-old grabbed him by the scalp. He twisted free, and licked the boy on the cheek a couple of times.
I figure that must augur well.
Easily startling; introducing the bottle
There were two particularly notable things about our daughter today. The first is that she was startled awake twice by particularly conspicuous sounds. One was the sound of me blowing my nose, as she slept in my arms. She awoke with a start.
She awoke with another start later on, when I laughed particularly suddenly and hard at something on
South Park. The force with which she startled alarmed me that she might have some sort of neurological abnormality. More likely, I'm being a worrywort, first-time dad: a silly dad, as it were.
In other news, we're trying to make bottle feeding part of her feeding regimen. I tried for the first time a few days ago, February 19. It didn't go very well, though, and I gave up after a time. Since then, SiliMommy's been too busy to pump. She did, however, finally get around to pumping tonight, so I'm going to give it another go. SiliMommy really needs a good, uninterrupted five hours or so, and she can get that if the feeding goes well!
Am not yet sure how how widely we can space out her feedings. When she was brand-newly born, we had to wake her up for feedings. But now she's coming up on six weeks. Can we let her sleep until she awakens, herself, and wants to eat?
I'm pretty nervous about trying to feed her again by myself. It really didn't go very well the first time...
Another long time, no post
Since SiliBaby was born, I've been guilty, regarding this blog, of allowing the perfect to be the enemy of the good. I have to get over that tendency, or I'll never get any blogging done.
A lot's gone on in the last month, as you can expect. Here is a list of some of the firsts we've experienced:
- stroller ride (absent SiliDaddy, but with SiliMommy and SiliDoula): January 31, 2007
- restaurant (Sonoma Chicken Kitchen, in Campbell): Feburary 18, 2007
- attempt to nurse from SiliPug (not sure that there needs to be more than a first here)
- first smile
- first music: "Marche Slave," by Tchaikovsky, and two movements--"Promenade" and "The Great Gate of Kiev"--from Mussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition." She reacted by screaming and crying, which is not necessarily the wrong reaction to Russian composers. Certainly, the fare wasn't the usual light-hearted Mozart that everyone says you're supposed to play for your baby.
- first real engagement with the world around her: showing some focus on--if not yet reaction to--things like her mobile
- first bottle feeding from SiliDaddy (didn't go real well): February 19, 2007
- first-month birthday!
And, of course, there's been a lot going on. SiliMommy is often a human trainwreck, worn down by having been on call for breastfeeding every 2-3 hours, for all of 5 weeks now(!) My own sleep has been very irregular. Work's been very busy and stressful, and I don't sleep well, even when I have the opportunity.
Having said that, in recent days, we've started clawing our way back to a normalish life. We've resumed a semblance of social life (see "first restaurant," above). I'm returning to my normal, high level of productivity at work. So, we're slowly getting there, I guess.
Anyway, I've obviously missed out on a lot of real-time memorializing. Well, it sucks to have lost about five weeks, but at least I'll try to be proactive about not losing much more than that.
The Arrival of SiliBaby!
I’m finally back with updates. Since the arrival of SiliBaby, I’ve been well-nigh overwhelmed, and blogging’s been the last thing I’ve had time for, unfortunately. Finally, things are settling down a bit.
In this entry, I write everything I remember about the birth and the process surrounding it. SiliBaby is sitting in my lap, as I write this. I’ve recorded just about everything I can remember, chiefly for posterity, and for our daughter to look back on, someday. For that reason, you may find it somewhat tedious. What can I say? Feel free to skim!
Prelude: Working out Obaa-san's return to JapanI may have mentioned that we had already changed Obaa-san's ticket once. She had originally intended to come for twelve days, and we bought a plane ticket based on that plan. Then her employer told her to cut her trip down to six days; changing the ticket cost us 30,000 yen, or about $240.
With our decision to extend her stay, we needed to work this out with the airline (ANA). When SiliMommy called to try to change the ticket, however, the airline told her that no more changes were possible, since Obaa-san was now in mid-itinerary, and that we would have to purchase a whole new ticket for 200,000 yen (about $1,600).
When I found this out, I thought it was complete bullshit. So I called the airline myself, and told them that I’d already had to pay through the nose for one ticket change, and asked if they couldn’t help us out.. They were good enough to ask me the reason, and I explained that Obaa-san was here for the birth of her grandbaby, whose arrival was turning out to be very late.
The ticket agent checked with her supervisor, and came back some time later to inform me that we’d still have to buy a whole new ticket.
Considering everything—the circumstances, and the fact that we’d already paid once—I thought it was insane that they couldn’t do anything at all for us. (I mean, shit, at least just charge us another change fee.) At this point, I said to the agent, with whom this whole conversation had been in Japanese:
“As you’ve noticed, I speak Japanese quite fluently. This is because I go there all the time. If you can’t do anything for us at all, especially considering the current circumstances, so help me, I will never use ANA for anything again. Either for myself, my family, or any business travel. Never again!”
Agent went to talk to a supervisor once more, and after another protracted wait, told me that if we got a doctor’s note, they might be able to do something for us. I replied that I didn’t want to take the substantial time and trouble to go to the hospital and get a doctor’s note if ANA couldn’t guarantee a positive outcome for me.
Since it was already Friday (Saturday, Japan time), she said she’d e-mail the head office in Tokyo. I should call back on Monday (Obaa-san’s scheduled return day) at 5:30a to find out their response.
During the interim, I checked online, and found a flight for about $600, including all taxes and everything. We decided that we’d do that if ANA couldn’t (wouldn’t) help us.
I called back at 6a on Monday, only to be told that no one in Japan had bothered to respond. The agent on duty told me, “So I guess your mother-in-law will just have to fy back today.”
I was livid. For this, I waited three days and got up at the crack of dawn? I read them the riot act, complete with Japanese profanities, and accused them of treating my whole family shabbily, and showing complete disrespect for the fact that we were about to have a child.
The agent put me on hold for another few minutes, then came back to tell me that they’d honor our request.
But, she warned me, I’d better have that doctor’s note.
My thoughts about ANA are kind of mixed. In the end, they did accommodate us (and didn’t even make us pay a second change fee). On the other hand, they were pretty assholish about the whole thing.
January 16: We meet with the doctor, who decides to induce labor. On the spot, he calls Labor and Delivery, and tells them to prepare to admit SiliMommy the following morning. He says to call at 7a the next morning, and make sure they’re able to admit her.
Checking into the hospital
On January 17, SiliMommy wakes up at 7a, calls the hospital, and they tell her to call again in an hour. She does so, and they tell her to come in, but take her time: have a good breakfast, etc.
We arrive at the hospital at 10:00a, and she is admitted.
Here are some pictures from right after we checked in.
PHOTOS HERE
Up to now, her cervix hadn’t budged at all toward dilation: it was completely closed--0 cm. (So said the doctor, anyway. The nurse, several days prior, had said she was at 1 cm. Whatever.) And so they decided to kick things off at 1:45p by administering prostaglandin to start ripening the cervix. (In other words, getting it to dilate and thin out, or efface.) If we were lucky, the prostaglandin might even induce contractions on its own. If that didn’t happen, though, the next step, once her cervix was sufficiently ready, would be to introduce pitocin, which would induce contractions of the uterus.
At 5:45p, four hours after they administered the prostaglandin via suppository, her cervix still wasn’t where it needed to be. So they administered another dose, and said they’d check in another four hours. If memory serves, at around 9:45, they deemed her cervix ready for the pitocin IV to begin. (When I look at the photos’ time stamps, I should be able to confirm the time.)
Through most of the day, as we waited for the prostaglandin to do its thing, we hung out, shot the shit, and watched TV. We saw Dr. Phil for the second time ever, and agreed it was probably the most retarded program we’d ever seen, short of Jerry Springer, which we used to watch when I was in grad school. I also found the most favorable position I could to set the video camera, as I hoped to tape the delivery. (I was careful to ask all personnel if I had their permission to tape.) We also napped some.
At around 10 that night, my father’s flight arrived from New York. Since it didn’t seem that the baby was imminent, I left the hospital to go pick him up. He checked into his hotel, and then we headed for the hospital, where he hung out with SiliMommy and me. Around 1 or so (?), we agreed that he really should go get some sleep; it was a long trip for him, requiring a stopover at O’Hare in Chicago.
During the night, she started suffering considerable pain from the contractions, and asked for pain relief. They responded by giving her an injection of a “light narcotic,” whose name I don’t know and didn’t ask. This brought her some relief for a couple of hours. She asked for, and got, a repeat injection later.
I think it was maybe 2a when I lay on the floor next to SiliMommy’s bed to get some sleep. I only slept about an hour or so, though, when I was awakened by her groaning. The contractions were becoming intense, and her pain was becoming really severe. At this point, she wanted an epidural, but the midwife was reluctant. She still wasn’t very dilated—only 3 or 4 cm, I believe—and the midwife didn’t want to give the epidural too early, as it would reduce her ability to push. The nurses, for their part, however, counseled us that pain alleviation is the patient’s right, and that if we (she) wanted an epidural, we should demand it.
From here ensued several nightmarish hours, in which SiliMommy was in agony. At one point, she made a difficult trip to the bathroom, and the nurse who helped her was almost more of a hindrance. She forgot to help move the IV stand with SiliMommy, and was rude. Not a great English speaker herself (she was a Filipina), she complained of not being able to understand SiliMommy, who could barely even speak at this point. I pointedly responded to the nurse that there were plenty of times I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! I almost told the nurses that I wanted this nurse gone, never to return to us again.
By morning—maybe 8 or so—the midwife agreed to the epidural, and the anesthesiologist came in and did the procedure. Once SiliMommy’s pain level had fallen to a manageable level, I went home to check on Obaa-san and the pug, and to cool my heels for an hour or so.
I came home to find Obaa-san in her usual position, since she’d been here: sitting on the couch with the pug, playing mahjongg on my GameBoy. (She got completely addicted to that thing! During her first week here, before we went to the hospital, I’d come home from work every day to find her playing mahjongg.) I cooled my heels at home for about an hour and a half, then returned to the hospital, where I found my father already hanging out with SiliMommy.
I don’t remember much about how the rest of the day unfolded. (By now, we were 24 hours into the adventure, on very little sleep.) My next specific memory is of around 8 or 8:30 that night, when they determined that her cervix was fully dilated, and it was time to start pushing. As the pain got really bad, the breathing exercises that we’d learned at LaMaze went out the window. She told me that the best thing I could do was shut up about the stupid breathing exercises. (Though she was much nicer than that about it.) The best support I was able to offer was probably general encouragement, and spoon-feeding her crushed ice after each bout of pushing.
During all of this, I tried to keep my video camera—which rolled all throughout the final hours—pointed as well as possible. Unfortunately, SiliMommy was starting to get agitated about the camera, and so I didn’t dare mess with it too much. If she told me to shut the damn thing off, that would have been that: the mother dictates how everything is, and it certainly wouldn’t have been the time to argue with her about it. As a result, although I have all the audio, a lot of the video footage is of my ass, which was in front of the lens, much of the time.
For the next two hours, SiliMommy pushed and strained and groaned, and gave it everything she had. At one point, she was so spent that the midwife decreed a 15-minute break. Finally, after about 2 hours, the baby was crowning, but SiliMommy was again out of energy. At this point, the doctor wanted to do suction, along with an episiotomy.
SiliMommy had told me earlier that she wanted to avoid an episiotomy if at all humanly possible, and neither of us liked the idea of suction. Further, she was so close! So, I told her:
“You can see like half the baby’s head at this point. She’s so close, and it’s almost over. If you can just find one more pool of energy within yourself, you’ve got the ability to finish this up in the next few minutes!”
And, just like that, that’s what she did! Seeing an imminent conclusion to the process, the midwife made the final preparations, including deploying a bag-like thing below the vagina, which I assume was just in case the baby slipped out of their hands.
And, with that, out popped SiliBaby!
They whisked her over to another table, where they got her breathing, and also wiped her down. At the same time, SiliMommy required quite a bit of post-delivery repair work, especially for some internal tearing she’d suffered. They gave her quite a few stitches, apparently. For my part, I grabbed my still camera, and ambled over to the table where SiliBaby was. Here are some photos of the minutes-old SiliBaby:
At the other table, I cut the umbilical cord—whereupon some blood spurted out, onto the baby’s tummy. Then, they swaddled her, and I continued snapping photos and video. (I thought I’d gotten video of myself cutting the cord, but it looks like I may have screwed up somehow, and not gotten it.) I also called my parents from my cell phone, and let them listen to their first granddaughter's cry.
After the medical personnel were finished repairing my wife’s battered birth canal, they transferred her from the room where she’d been up until now, to a recovery room, instead.
SiliBaby was born at 10:50p, on Thursday, January 18, 2007.
She was 7 lbs, 11.3 oz. (3,497 grams), and 20 inches long.
I called home to let Obaa-san know that I was about to pick her up and bring her to the hospital (which is less than ten minutes from our home). Thankfully, she was all ready to go by the time I arrived, and had even already called Ojii-san to let him know that the birth had taken place.
The number 18 (the date of her birth) is a lucky number for Jews. It symbolizes the Hebrew letters that spell
chai, or “life.” In addition, her Japanese name is written with seventeen brush strokes, and she was born in the 19th year of the current Emperor’s reign. Thus, her Japanese numbers also average out to 18, giving her some nice, auspicious numbers attending her birth.
She was a very stubborn baby! Every inch of progress made throughout the whole 33-hour ordeal (beginning with the first administration of prostaglandin) was made thanks to the drugs and SiliMommy’s pushing. SiliBaby didn’t cooperate one bit through any of it.
Aftermath and HomecomingSiliMommy was anxious to get home as soon as possible. She was sick of the hospital, wanted to see the pug, and just generally wanted to get home. So she opted to discharge herself on Saturday afternoon, at 4p. The only real concern about her leaving a bit soon was that she didn’t have the breast-feeding thing down pat yet.
Our postpartum doula met us at the hospital and helped with the logistics of going home, and also settling in with the dog. Our vet had given us a photocopy of a protocol for introducing a new infant into a home where a dog already lives:
SiliMommy first entered the apartment alone, and greeted the pug, who by now hadn’t seen her in over three days. After he got over his excitement and settled down, I entered with the baby, and let him investigate her. After he gave her a good sniffing, he gave me one lick on the forehead, as if to say, “she’s alright.” Then, he sniffed her some more, and gave her a few licks. Both the Ob-Gyn and the vet said that they had no concerns about him licking her, so we allowed this, although we stopped him when he got too enthusiastic.
